[personal profile] catskilt
Fifteen years ago, this is what the afternoon would be: 

I'm in Block 65 of Marine Parade Drive, on a floor that I don't remember, in my grandparents' three-room flat. I'm carrying my school homework, a couple of Enid Blyton books, a couple of exercise books where I doodle and write random stories in. The only table is in the kitchen, so I sit on the cold marble flooring in the living room and do my work on the couch. The furnishing is polished wood and old, slightly ratty cushions. I'm scared of anyone who walks past the flat because the door is open and the only thing between me and complete strangers is the metal gate. Neighbours are very friendly and will look in to smile. At that stage, I'm too shy to smile back.

It's so quiet. If I listen hard enough, I'll hear the drone of the cars on the expressway not far away. The trees rustle downstairs in the open-air car park. The sky is so blue outside. We're near the sea, but we can't see it. My grandparents are napping in the master bedroom. If I want to, I can go into the kitchen, straight down to the metal sink near the window and open the little cabinet under it. There's a mini broom and dustpan inside. My grandma tells me to use it whenever I want to be helpful. I sweep a bit of the kitchen floor.

I go into the spare room right at the back. It's newer than the rest of the flat, built just a few years ago when Marine Parade was undergoing its first upgrade. It's my grandpa's room. He has a bed inside, a wooden cabinet that holds chess games, Go, mahjong, a few small, old board games kept from the flights on Singapore Airlines. The room smells of sour plums, which my grandpa and I love. I steal a plum from his store, kept in a little clear glass bottle. It's sour at first and then it becomes so sweet. Later on, my grandpa will probably ask who's been stealing his plums. I won't say anything. He'll replenish the store and keep it there again for me to steal from.

A neighbour looks into the flat. "Hello, Mei Mei," she says in Cantonese. She has a loud voice, it scares me. She knows everything about everyone living in Block 65. My dad calls her the unofficial CNN. A descendant of the guys who used to run from mountain to mountain carrying news. She'll pass away ten years later, and I won't know until my mum mentions it randomly one day. And then memories will come flooding back.

It's 4pm, and my grandpa wakes up. He's hungry. He goes into the kitchen and warms some rice, opens a can of black beans and fish. I love it, so I come into the kitchen to sit beside him and eat up all the black beans. My grandpa tells me that if I keep eating so many black beans, my face will turn into a black bean. I don't care. I'm happy sitting beside my gentle grandpa sharing his rice and black beans and leaning against his shoulder. Sometimes he has rice, other times he makes tea and a simple bread and butter sandwich. He'll pass away when I'm ten years old. I'll remember how sweet and indulgent he was. My mum will remember how wise and honest he was.

My grandma washes the dishes. I want to help her, but I'm not tall enough. She brings me to the living room and opens the big brown cabinet under the head of Buddha and takes out all our family photo albums. We haven't heard of digital photos yet. She shows me my mum and her sisters when they were young. I think my grandma is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I wind my hand around her arm and her skin is like crepe paper under my fingers, thin and fragile and so exquisite. She asks me if I've done my homework yet. I don't know how to lie, so I say no. She scolds. Years later I remember how my grandma's face used to light up when I came into the room. I remember how she walked an hour in Shenzhen to buy me a watch for a present.

And then I open my eyes from the brief rest and I'm 23 again and headache headache what causes headaches? and think, I want these memories to remain vivid forever.

Date: 2010-09-21 08:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shihan-ai.livejournal.com
whoa. i dont even know what to say except this is beautiful. it's not fanfic, yet somehow it's even more fascinating. im not one to read much of my f-list's everyday writing, but this is just- /stares wide eyed

the flow is so smooth and so you. like your eunhae pieces, you somehow manage to make such small, common everyday things into something so gorgeous and profound....

/useless ramble is useless

idek. have a ♥
hope you are feeling better?

Date: 2010-09-22 07:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catskilt.livejournal.com
I am feeling better today! I don't know why I was plagued with a headache yesterday. I actually googled 'types of headaches' and 'what causes headaches' after I wrote this, lol.

Thank you for the ♥ bb~ :D

Date: 2010-09-21 09:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] airplanewishes.livejournal.com
Fifteen years ago I was 10 years old. The only things I remember about then was that we moved into a new house and I traveled to Canada by myself.

Beautifully written. Beautiful memories. I wish I could remember more.

Date: 2010-09-22 07:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catskilt.livejournal.com
You travelled to Canada by yourself when you were 10 years old? O_O

Date: 2010-09-23 09:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] airplanewishes.livejournal.com
Yes, I did. Hehe I won first place in a raffle in school then. The price was a motorcycle. My parents sold it and sent me to Canada instead. We have relatives there. But yeah, it was scary. I was so small (still am, actually), and I remember throwing up before boarding the plane. Haha!

Date: 2010-09-21 11:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nil-chi-tsosie.livejournal.com
what beautiful writing. And what a precious memory to save. Its amazing that you remember the past so vividly and also that you are able to turn it into writing that you can share. And your grandparents sound like wonderful people.

Date: 2010-09-22 07:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catskilt.livejournal.com
It was surprising to me too, how much I remembered when I closed my eyes. I still remember the smell of the house, the colours, the furniture, everything. Considering I was maybe nine years old the last time I saw it, that just means the house really created a deep impression on me!

My grandparents were really wonderful. I don't want to idealise them because obviously they weren't perfect, but they were marvellously understanding parents/grandparents for their generation.

Date: 2010-09-21 01:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] midnightcolor.livejournal.com
ugh, god, breaking hiatus to tell you, you're amazing and i'm memming this forever and ever and jkasdhfjkadhk

♥♥

Date: 2010-09-22 07:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catskilt.livejournal.com
Aww, thank you dear ♥ why are you always on hiatus, by the way?

Date: 2010-09-22 11:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] midnightcolor.livejournal.com
ahahh, i'm on hiatus because school is kicking my butt and i really should focus some more on real life now that it's my last year of high school D: i have to try to get into a good med school in australia ;_;

Date: 2010-09-21 03:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/amaelamin_/
My grandma tells me to use it whenever I want to be helpful. I sweep a bit of the kitchen floor. GEMMY THIS IS SO CUTE.

and i used to have my little bag with exercise books in for me to write stories too. took it with me everywhere until one day i lost it on an mrt train when i was 5 or 6.

i teared up reading this, because you made me think of my own grandfather who died when i was 11. and i thought about living with my grandparents when i was small, and going to the market with my grandmother, and my grandpa carrying me on his shoulders to kindergarten, and their house with the playground behind it. one day i want to buy back that house and change it back to exactly how it was when i lived there.

Date: 2010-09-22 08:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catskilt.livejournal.com
I swear that broom was really designed for me, unless my grandma used it to sweep little areas like the windowsill or something. IT WAS SO SMALL. I had to crouch down to use it, lol.

We used exercise books in those days, didn't we XD

Is the house still there? That's quite unusual considering how quickly things change in Singapore :/ Also, your grandpa carrying you on your shoulders a;dslj that's so adorable.

Date: 2010-09-23 06:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/amaelamin_/
i miss exercise books! so much more solid than all the foolscap kids use these days. our childhood was still the best.

it is a flat. one of those really big old flats built early on like in the 70s. i will kill the latest owners if they've made it ~snazzy and modern.

yeah he used to carry me to the bathroom for my baths also haha. but bath-carries were princess style. school-carries were sitting-on-shoulders.

Date: 2010-09-21 05:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ky-rin.livejournal.com
*wipes tear from eye*

Date: 2010-09-22 08:00 am (UTC)

Date: 2010-09-21 08:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] girlearthless.livejournal.com
Beautiful ♥

Date: 2010-09-22 08:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catskilt.livejournal.com
Thanks bb ♥

Date: 2010-09-21 10:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinonymity.livejournal.com
this leaves me heavy and sore in the heart, but in a good way.

Date: 2010-09-22 08:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catskilt.livejournal.com
As long as it's in a good way. ♥

Date: 2010-09-21 11:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] silentdictator.livejournal.com
This makes me miss my grandparents so, so much. Everything is so vivid and bright and sad.

Date: 2010-09-22 08:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catskilt.livejournal.com
I think I've passed sadness, right now they're just really sweet and nostalgic to me. (Good) grandparents are such treasures.

Date: 2010-09-22 07:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aescapes.livejournal.com
this memory is like a monologue. i am quite charmed, sweet gem. ♥

Date: 2010-09-22 08:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catskilt.livejournal.com
I do that sometimes, heh. ♥

Date: 2010-09-22 08:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aescapes.livejournal.com
as a theatre geek, to me it just really glows. the intimacy. this entire memory fills me with a warm feeling. (although i hope your headaches have subsided.)

Date: 2010-09-22 08:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catskilt.livejournal.com
Thank you :D though it never occurred to me that this could be seen in a theatre sense.

My headaches are better today than yesterday. I suspect it might have been caused by the heat, because it subsided in the evening/night, and today is cooler than yesterday, too.

Date: 2010-09-22 08:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aescapes.livejournal.com
i should clarify, i think it just appears that way to me because i'm accustomed to looking through that lens. either way, you would make a good playwright. :)

oh, good, good. ♥ i had a horrid migraine yesterday, too, what gives! but i've been having them near constantly the past week; ugly rainy weather does that to me.

Date: 2010-09-22 08:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catskilt.livejournal.com
Ah! *___* If only playwright was an actual career choice here, lol. I'm really flattered :D Do you study theatre?

Chronic headaches are really horrible :( You have my full sympathies. I get headaches very often either because of eyestrain or the heat but since I don't get headaches when I'm in the aircon or directly under a fan, I think it has to be the heat :/

Date: 2010-09-22 08:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aescapes.livejournal.com
aw, it can't be? why not? the thought saddens me, but lol tbh the only career choices i'm interested in are entirely impractical (and in the arts), which is also sad. -_-; i do study theatre, although i haven't taken formal classes in a while, neither for acting nor playwriting. i miss it. :\ my thesis was originally meant to be writing a play, before i switched to poetry.

arr, that's so frustrating. do you wear glasses/contacts? mine are due to all sorts of things; i take medication for it but it hasn't been doing me much good.

Date: 2010-09-22 08:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catskilt.livejournal.com
Because the theatre industry here is really small and saturated :/ Practically everything here is small and saturated except the banking, trading, sales and F&B industries, lmao. You seem to take up really artsy subjects, that's so cool! What are the career choices you're interested in?

I wear glasses/contacts...sometimes I get a headache when I put on my contacts, too, so I try to use them only when I'm going out with friends. And ugh, you're on medication? :(

Date: 2010-09-22 08:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aescapes.livejournal.com
wargh, that's a little disheartening, i'm sorry. what field are you going into, do you know? and ah, acting and writing. the chances of being a success and making money doing either are so dismal. but i can't bring myself to settle for anything else, eotteoke. x_x

ah, i see. the same thing happened for my mom, so she only ever wears glasses, now. so inconvenient, i'm sorry! and af;ldkj yeah :( i've seen several different neurologists for it and been treated in a variety of ways (injections into my head, even a cryo surgical procedure that was a complete disaster), to no avail. LOL AUGH why am i wailing at you, excuse me.

Date: 2010-09-22 09:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catskilt.livejournal.com
You could always try! After all, there are lots of people employed in the entertainment industry. It's not that impractical :) And a;dslkj your headache problem is so serious, I'm sorry to hear it :( Injections and head surgeries sound so scary.

Date: 2010-09-22 09:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aescapes.livejournal.com
my fear of failure (i'm such a ridiculous perfectionist) often hinders me, but i'm working on getting over it! when you write such lovely words like this, for instance, it motivates me to keep trying. and fff yeah i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Date: 2010-09-25 01:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] literrie.livejournal.com
your writings so pretty oh my god ♥ it made me all reflective on my own life :/
and haha do you stay at marine parade drive still? I LIVE AT KATONG WE COULD BE LIKE TWO BUSTOPS AWAY FROM EACH OTHER

Date: 2010-09-25 05:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catskilt.livejournal.com
Thank you! No, I don't stay there anymore. I never did actually stay there, it was my grandparents' flat :) Though in the course of my life I have stayed in Neptune Court, then Amber Gardens, then Laguna Park, lol.

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