why do companies make life so difficult
Feb. 8th, 2011 10:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
catskiltI feel that I have to enshrine this tussle in my journal somehow so that I can come back to it in later days to admire my self-control.
T-Mobile is fucking useless.
I could say more, but I'll leave it at that and let the below explain why:
I was on a family plan with my friend, who was the primary account holder, and this month we decided to disengage from the family plan and get our own individual plans and billings. Simple! Simple?
We walked into the T-Mobile store yesterday.
Useless of uselessness #1
Friend: Hi! We would like to change our family plan to individual plans and...
Guy at counter: Oh, we can't do that in the store. Call our customer service hotline.
Friend: Oh...okay. Um, will we be able to keep our phone numbers?
Guy at counter: *shrug* It's up to customer service.
Useless of uselessness #2
Which then resulted in my friend spending 45 minutes talking to a T-Mobile customer service officer (henceforth to be referred to as the generic CSO) who had a really weird accent and couldn't seem to understand "individual plan". She then told us that my line, because I was a 'dependent', had to be terminated and I could then reactivate it under an individual plan. Ho-kay. If you say so.
Useless of uselessness #3
I called T-Mobile that night to ask to reactivate my number after it was terminated.
Me: I would like to reactivate my number under an individual plan because I am currently on a family plan. An individual plan. I-N-D-I-V-I-D-U-A-L. Yes.
CSO #1: Oh. Who is the account holder?
Me: My friend, Lim ZX.
CSO #1: Okay. Um, Jer-me-mer, I would need to talk to Lim to verify your identity.
Me: Um, she's not with me right now but you can call her cell phone.
CSO #1: What is her number?
Me: ...I don't remember but don't you have it on the computer screen right now?
CSO #1: Oh yes. Okay. I will call her now. Please allow me to put you on hold.
CSO #1: Hello Lim. Jer-me-mer wants to reactivate her number and add back to the plan. Is that right?
Friend: What? No, we want it individually billed.
CSO #1: ??
CSO #1: Hello Jer-me-mer, I have spoken to Lim and she says that she needs to discuss your actions with you.
Me: What?!
CSO #1: I suggest the both of you discuss what you want to do and then call the hotline again.
Me: ....Okaaaaay?!
Useless of uselessness #3
T-mobile automated irritating voice: If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount, please say yes or no.
Me: ...
T-mobile AIV: If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount, please say 'refill' or if you would like to speak to a representative, please say...
Me: Representative.
CSO #2: Hello how may I help you?
Me: -explains yet again-
CSO #2: Alright Jerrrrrr-my-mahh, we will need to speak to the primary account holder.
Me: She's not here but you can...
CSO #2: If she is not present you can call again later as we will need her verification and her approval of your actions and we will need to do a conference call with the both of you and talk to you at the same time, Jerrrrr-my-mahhh, if you are changing your plan to an individual plan you will need to take over responsibility and I am also saying something about how your line will be charged for FebuuuuuuARRIEEE and you will need to call the cats and the dogs and the stars maybe and tell them all what you need to do so that they can descend onto t-mobile with gasoline and ten boxes of matches and kill the shit out of this CSO who will neither shut up nor speak in an accent that I actually understand... do you understand?
Me: Er... so would it better if I just terminated my line and then reactivated it?
CSO #2: Well yes you can do that and then you will etc.etc. goes off into another tirade again and maybe she's Mexican or Indian or of unidentified origin but wherever that origin is, it sure didn't teach her how to speak English with pauses.
Me: /puts her on speakerphone and dances to her rapping (I ACTUALLY DID THIS, OKAY.)
Useless of uselessness #4
Me: -explains yet again...and again..-
CSO #3: Okay Jer-me-mer, I have put it on a memo on your number. We cannot do anything now because your line has not been terminated but you can call tomorrow and get it reactivated.
Me: Okay. You've put it in a memo, right?
CSO #3: Yes, so everything will go smoothly.
Useless of uselessness #5
Today:
Me: *wakes up in the morning* Okay, so I have no coverage. How the fuck am I supposed to call them when I have NO COVERAGE?
Useless of uselessness #6
Me (on friend's phone): /dials T-Mobile's hotline
T-Mobile AIV: If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount, blahblahblah. If not, say what you are calling for.
Me: Reactivate number.
T-Mobile AIV: You can say anything, for example, account balance...
Me: Reactivate number.
T-Mobile AIV: I am sorry, I could not hear you.
Me: REACTIVATE NUMBER!
T-Mobile AIV: I am sorry, I could not hear you. If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount...
Me: I WANT TO REACTIVATE MY NUMBER, BITCH, PASS ME TO A FUCKING HUMAN BEING.
T-Mobile AIV: I am sorry, I could not hear you. If there is anything you need, please say it.
Me: I WANT TO TALK TO A REPRESENTATIVE!
T-Mobile AIV: I am sorry, I could not hear you. It appears that the line may be broken. I will need to hang up the phone. If there is anything else you need, please dial the customer service hotline. /hangs up
Me: EXPLETIVES!!!!
Useless of uselessness #7
T-Mobile AIV: If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount, blahblahblah. If not, say what you are calling for.
Me (still on friend's phone): Reactivate number.
T-Mobile AIV: I am sorry, your line has not been terminated and therefore I cannot reactive your number. If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount balance, please say yes or no.
Me: No!
T-Mobile AIV: You can say anything, for example, account balance...
Me: Account balance.
T-Mobile AIV: Your account has $51 and blahblahblahblah.
Me: /hangs up
Useless of uselessness #8
T-Mobile AIV: If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount, blahblahblah. If not, say what you are calling for.
Me: Plans.
T-Mobile AIV: Rate plans! Please hold on, I will transfer you to a representative.
Me: Oh god.
Useless of uselessness #9
CSO #4: Alright, Jer-me-mah, I will check your account.
-pause-
CSO #4: Jer-me-mah, it appears that your line has been terminated.
Me: Yes....which is why I want to reactivate it.
CSO #4: Oh, I see. Allow me to put you on hold.
Me: Mmm.
CSO #4: Jer-me-mah? Can I put you on hold?
Me: YES.
CSO #4: Jer-me-mah, I understand that you want to reactivate your number. Let me pass you on to the GargedSound department.
Me: Alright.
CSO #4: Jer-me-mah, you were under a family plan?
Me: Yes, didn't I say that already?
CSO #4: You have done the wrong procedure. You should not have terminated your account. You should have...
Me: Look, another customer service officer yesterday told us that we had to terminate our accounts and then reactivate the numbers.
CSO #4: ...to separate your accounts. However I will need to restore the service first because you did the wrong procedure.
Me: Get on with it then.
CSO #4: I have restored the service. Now I will transfer you to the GargledSound department.
Useless of uselessness #10
CSO #5: HELLO. Jerrrr-mm-mah!! THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL NAME!!
Me: Um, thanks. Can I...
CSO #5: I remember seeing it in a...um, a book...and it was...what was it..ahhhhh...a book...
Me: The Bible.
CSO #5: AHH! What does it mean?
Me: Peace.
CSO #5: Piece?
Me: Peace, as in peace and quiet.
CSO #5: OHH! PEACE!! I have a really good middle name, it is Benedict, and in Latin it means blessed!
Me: Right. Um, can we...
CSO #5: IT IS A REALLY GOOD NAME! Just like Jerrrr-mm-mah!
Me: Yes it is.
CSO #5: Anyway...
Me: Yes, can we move on?
Useless of uselessness #11
CSO #5: Jerrrr-mm-mah, can you speak Mandarin?
Me: Yes.
CSO #5: AHAHAHA CAN I SPEAK MANDARIN TO YOU?
Me: Er, you can speak Mandarin?
CSO #5: My customers taught me a little Mandarin! It is fun! Just a little! It is...
Me: I guess we should stick to English then.
Useless of uselessness #12
CSO #5: You can make payment at the store.
Me: Can I do it by debit card with auto payments every month?
CSO #5: YES YOU CAN!!! I will transfer you to EasyPay department.
Useless of uselessness #13
EasyPay person: I will need to transfer you to an EasyPay enroller.
Useless of uselessness #14
-on hold music stops jangling-
T-mobile AIV: If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount, please say yes or no.
Me: Fuck this. /hangs up
......yes. There is nothing I can say that will adequately sum up my feelings towards what happened.
T-Mobile is fucking useless.
I could say more, but I'll leave it at that and let the below explain why:
I was on a family plan with my friend, who was the primary account holder, and this month we decided to disengage from the family plan and get our own individual plans and billings. Simple! Simple?
We walked into the T-Mobile store yesterday.
Useless of uselessness #1
Friend: Hi! We would like to change our family plan to individual plans and...
Guy at counter: Oh, we can't do that in the store. Call our customer service hotline.
Friend: Oh...okay. Um, will we be able to keep our phone numbers?
Guy at counter: *shrug* It's up to customer service.
Useless of uselessness #2
Which then resulted in my friend spending 45 minutes talking to a T-Mobile customer service officer (henceforth to be referred to as the generic CSO) who had a really weird accent and couldn't seem to understand "individual plan". She then told us that my line, because I was a 'dependent', had to be terminated and I could then reactivate it under an individual plan. Ho-kay. If you say so.
Useless of uselessness #3
I called T-Mobile that night to ask to reactivate my number after it was terminated.
Me: I would like to reactivate my number under an individual plan because I am currently on a family plan. An individual plan. I-N-D-I-V-I-D-U-A-L. Yes.
CSO #1: Oh. Who is the account holder?
Me: My friend, Lim ZX.
CSO #1: Okay. Um, Jer-me-mer, I would need to talk to Lim to verify your identity.
Me: Um, she's not with me right now but you can call her cell phone.
CSO #1: What is her number?
Me: ...I don't remember but don't you have it on the computer screen right now?
CSO #1: Oh yes. Okay. I will call her now. Please allow me to put you on hold.
CSO #1: Hello Lim. Jer-me-mer wants to reactivate her number and add back to the plan. Is that right?
Friend: What? No, we want it individually billed.
CSO #1: ??
CSO #1: Hello Jer-me-mer, I have spoken to Lim and she says that she needs to discuss your actions with you.
Me: What?!
CSO #1: I suggest the both of you discuss what you want to do and then call the hotline again.
Me: ....Okaaaaay?!
Useless of uselessness #3
T-mobile automated irritating voice: If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount, please say yes or no.
Me: ...
T-mobile AIV: If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount, please say 'refill' or if you would like to speak to a representative, please say...
Me: Representative.
CSO #2: Hello how may I help you?
Me: -explains yet again-
CSO #2: Alright Jerrrrrr-my-mahh, we will need to speak to the primary account holder.
Me: She's not here but you can...
CSO #2: If she is not present you can call again later as we will need her verification and her approval of your actions and we will need to do a conference call with the both of you and talk to you at the same time, Jerrrrr-my-mahhh, if you are changing your plan to an individual plan you will need to take over responsibility and I am also saying something about how your line will be charged for FebuuuuuuARRIEEE and you will need to call the cats and the dogs and the stars maybe and tell them all what you need to do so that they can descend onto t-mobile with gasoline and ten boxes of matches and kill the shit out of this CSO who will neither shut up nor speak in an accent that I actually understand... do you understand?
Me: Er... so would it better if I just terminated my line and then reactivated it?
CSO #2: Well yes you can do that and then you will etc.etc. goes off into another tirade again and maybe she's Mexican or Indian or of unidentified origin but wherever that origin is, it sure didn't teach her how to speak English with pauses.
Me: /puts her on speakerphone and dances to her rapping (I ACTUALLY DID THIS, OKAY.)
Useless of uselessness #4
Me: -explains yet again...and again..-
CSO #3: Okay Jer-me-mer, I have put it on a memo on your number. We cannot do anything now because your line has not been terminated but you can call tomorrow and get it reactivated.
Me: Okay. You've put it in a memo, right?
CSO #3: Yes, so everything will go smoothly.
Useless of uselessness #5
Today:
Me: *wakes up in the morning* Okay, so I have no coverage. How the fuck am I supposed to call them when I have NO COVERAGE?
Useless of uselessness #6
Me (on friend's phone): /dials T-Mobile's hotline
T-Mobile AIV: If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount, blahblahblah. If not, say what you are calling for.
Me: Reactivate number.
T-Mobile AIV: You can say anything, for example, account balance...
Me: Reactivate number.
T-Mobile AIV: I am sorry, I could not hear you.
Me: REACTIVATE NUMBER!
T-Mobile AIV: I am sorry, I could not hear you. If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount...
Me: I WANT TO REACTIVATE MY NUMBER, BITCH, PASS ME TO A FUCKING HUMAN BEING.
T-Mobile AIV: I am sorry, I could not hear you. If there is anything you need, please say it.
Me: I WANT TO TALK TO A REPRESENTATIVE!
T-Mobile AIV: I am sorry, I could not hear you. It appears that the line may be broken. I will need to hang up the phone. If there is anything else you need, please dial the customer service hotline. /hangs up
Me: EXPLETIVES!!!!
Useless of uselessness #7
T-Mobile AIV: If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount, blahblahblah. If not, say what you are calling for.
Me (still on friend's phone): Reactivate number.
T-Mobile AIV: I am sorry, your line has not been terminated and therefore I cannot reactive your number. If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount balance, please say yes or no.
Me: No!
T-Mobile AIV: You can say anything, for example, account balance...
Me: Account balance.
T-Mobile AIV: Your account has $51 and blahblahblahblah.
Me: /hangs up
Useless of uselessness #8
T-Mobile AIV: If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount, blahblahblah. If not, say what you are calling for.
Me: Plans.
T-Mobile AIV: Rate plans! Please hold on, I will transfer you to a representative.
Me: Oh god.
Useless of uselessness #9
CSO #4: Alright, Jer-me-mah, I will check your account.
-pause-
CSO #4: Jer-me-mah, it appears that your line has been terminated.
Me: Yes....which is why I want to reactivate it.
CSO #4: Oh, I see. Allow me to put you on hold.
Me: Mmm.
CSO #4: Jer-me-mah? Can I put you on hold?
Me: YES.
CSO #4: Jer-me-mah, I understand that you want to reactivate your number. Let me pass you on to the GargedSound department.
Me: Alright.
CSO #4: Jer-me-mah, you were under a family plan?
Me: Yes, didn't I say that already?
CSO #4: You have done the wrong procedure. You should not have terminated your account. You should have...
Me: Look, another customer service officer yesterday told us that we had to terminate our accounts and then reactivate the numbers.
CSO #4: ...to separate your accounts. However I will need to restore the service first because you did the wrong procedure.
Me: Get on with it then.
CSO #4: I have restored the service. Now I will transfer you to the GargledSound department.
Useless of uselessness #10
CSO #5: HELLO. Jerrrr-mm-mah!! THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL NAME!!
Me: Um, thanks. Can I...
CSO #5: I remember seeing it in a...um, a book...and it was...what was it..ahhhhh...a book...
Me: The Bible.
CSO #5: AHH! What does it mean?
Me: Peace.
CSO #5: Piece?
Me: Peace, as in peace and quiet.
CSO #5: OHH! PEACE!! I have a really good middle name, it is Benedict, and in Latin it means blessed!
Me: Right. Um, can we...
CSO #5: IT IS A REALLY GOOD NAME! Just like Jerrrr-mm-mah!
Me: Yes it is.
CSO #5: Anyway...
Me: Yes, can we move on?
Useless of uselessness #11
CSO #5: Jerrrr-mm-mah, can you speak Mandarin?
Me: Yes.
CSO #5: AHAHAHA CAN I SPEAK MANDARIN TO YOU?
Me: Er, you can speak Mandarin?
CSO #5: My customers taught me a little Mandarin! It is fun! Just a little! It is...
Me: I guess we should stick to English then.
Useless of uselessness #12
CSO #5: You can make payment at the store.
Me: Can I do it by debit card with auto payments every month?
CSO #5: YES YOU CAN!!! I will transfer you to EasyPay department.
Useless of uselessness #13
EasyPay person: I will need to transfer you to an EasyPay enroller.
Useless of uselessness #14
-on hold music stops jangling-
T-mobile AIV: If you would like to refill your FlexiAccount, please say yes or no.
Me: Fuck this. /hangs up
......yes. There is nothing I can say that will adequately sum up my feelings towards what happened.
